This is ridiculous. I can't just...not work.

I know half of you want to shoot me. Form a line, please, because I think I just went insane and I need to be put down.

Jesus fuckin' Christ. I need to sell some of that hotel soap now.

Hello, darlings! I've returned from my two week long cruise. And I will tell you that it was fabulous! Too bad you weren't there ( Read more... )

I hate women.

Mom.

I... I still need you here. Why..... no.

There's a leak in the roof of the new apartment Elizabeth and I secured. I've told the manager, but he said he would only fix it for a price. I offered him three of my tastiest tomatoes and he still didn't accept the job. I spent all day picking them, too ( Read more... )

Why does life suck.

Time for a motherfucking vacation. I'm gonna rough it in a five star hotel and charge someone else's credit card. Because I'm a bad person. That, and it's fun.

Besides slushies, just fuckin' driving too fast is the best medicine ever.

Who wants some hotel soap?

Some idiot on the same apartment floor of mine went off and set his microwave on fire and managed to burn down his room and the hallway around him.

....

I need to find somewhere else to live.

Alright, lets get one thing straight. I realize the city is going sorta crazy right now, but just because I deliver TEA I am not an easy target. GOT THAT?!

Enjoy your new face moron